Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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