So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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