38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
