Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
