He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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