There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
