We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
