So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
