I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize