do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm having to shit out rocks
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
