he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
