kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
