you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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