Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
