Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
