Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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