You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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