I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
