You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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