Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
