They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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