i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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