Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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