i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
