I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
