It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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