im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
