I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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