I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
