So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
