I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
