Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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