Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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