i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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