His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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