he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
