i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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