put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
