There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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