How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
