Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
