he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's like iHOP with fire
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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