tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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