I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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