I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
