I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize