Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
