Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
