I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
