I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
