That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize