just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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