I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
a search helicopter?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
