I think my vagina is haunted
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
