I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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