yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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