he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
