one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
