Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
