I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
