And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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