I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
