security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
