I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
