"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
