i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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