I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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