I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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