I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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