So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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