i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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