Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize