M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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