So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
