How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
