U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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