im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
