You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
