ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
