where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
