The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize