I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
