I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize