her vagine was all disorganized.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
