I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
