I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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