Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
