My nipple is on Facebook.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
