my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
