If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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