you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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