You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
