I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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