Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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