remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
