I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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