I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
