OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
